I'm tired of trying

I've been working so crazy hard lately. Everyone is developing into really cool and amazing people, and I'm just stuck working my ass off to pay bills and get decent grades. I want to be amazing, but my fears hold me back. I'm not comfortable in large groups, I have trouble trusting people, etc... Not exactly a description of the person I want to be-who is defined as a world traveler and lover of art. I wish I could break out of the trap I've created for myself, but I feel like I can't. I'm drowning and no one but me Is fighting for me. I'm tired of fighting poverty, I'm tried of fighting for grades and I'm tired of trying to have people love me and failing. I guess I just need a hug.